How to Build Resilience in Children

Top 10 Essential Strategies

Life is often a bit of a bumpy ride, and as parents, it’s our role to help children navigate the twists and turns with a bit of grace. Resilience is that internal compass that helps them handle life’s challenges, and the good news is: it can be taught! Here are 10 strategies on how to cultivate and build your child’s resilience – helping your child become a master of bouncing back with a little bit of good humour along the way:

Resilience isn’t about avoiding challenges – it’s about giving children the tools to thrive through them

1. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Children are, by nature, problem solvers, though admittedly their “solutions” can be more imaginative than practical. (No, taping a broken chair leg with sparkly stickers won’t make it any sturdier). Still, that innate curiosity and creative spark are wonderful things to nurture. Teaching children to tackle problems step-by-step strengthens their resilience (APA, 2021).

How?: Instead of swooping in with ready-made solutions to fix every wobble and snag (we know you’re tempted), try asking, “What’s one thing you could try?” Whether it’s puzzling over a lost toy or negotiating a sibling truce, children often surprise us with their resourcefulness when given the chance. And if their first attempt doesn’t work? That’s where resilience starts to grow.

Give them enough problems to solve and suddenly, you’ve got yourself a budding detective. Or, at the very least, someone who’s willing to attempt something other than shouting “I can’t find it!” from another room.

2. Foster Strong Connections

No child thrives in isolation. Even the most self-sufficient teenager secretly appreciates the occasional reassuring pat on the shoulder (though they may never admit it). Strong relationships with family, friends and the community form a vital support network that helps kids bounce back from tough times. Additionally, a strong support system boosts emotional well-being (NHS, 2022).

How?: Building connections doesn’t have to involve grand gestures. Create moments that matter with simple activities – Sunday pancake breakfasts or Saturday morning park walks – these little rituals form the fabric of family life. Connection doesn’t need to be complicated; it just needs to be consistent. Not to infantilize.

3. Model Resilient Behaviours

Children are astute observers – they notice far more than we give them credit for. If you handle a setback with a calm sigh and a determined “Right, let’s try again,” they’ll take note. If you fling the old toaster out the window because it burnt your bread (tempting as it may be), they’ll take note of that too. Children often mirror how their parents cope with stress (Parent and Teen Partnership, 2021). So, when life hands you lemons, show them how to make lemonade by modelling composure.

How?: Share your own “character-building moments” with them. A simple, “Well, I had a dreadful morning, but a brisk walk and a good cup of tea helped,” shows them that resilience isn’t some lofty ideal; it’s something we practice daily. It demonstrates that even adults need to reboot and that resilience is something everyone – big or small – can learn and practice daily. And yes, a cup of tea can often work wonders.

4. Encourage Emotional Awareness and Regulation

Emotions can be unpredictable. One minute, your child is happily munching on biscuits; the next, they’re dramatically declaring the end of the world in a puddle of tears because they’ve eaten them all. Helping children name and manage their emotions is essential for resilience. The Children’s Society highlights the importance of emotional intelligence in handling stress (Children’s Society, 2022).

How?: For younger children: Use a feelings chart or playful metaphors to help them describe their feelings: “Is your frustration a tiny rain cloud or a full-on thunderstorm?” This makes emotions more relatable and less overwhelming.

For older children and teenagers: Encourage them to journal or have a regular “check-in” about how they’re feeling. Or, if journaling feels a bit too earnest, a quick “What’s been good today, and what’s been tough?” over dinner works just as well. This helps them process emotions independently and develop a healthy outlet for stress.

5. Encourage Independence and Responsibility

There comes a time when every child must learn that the laundry doesn’t fold itself and that toast isn’t a naturally occurring phenomenon. Want your child to feel confident and competent? Hand over some responsibility! Kids who are trusted with age-appropriate tasks develop stronger confidence in their own abilities, known as self-efficacy (Family Lives, 2021).

How?: Start small. Younger children might start with simple tasks like choosing their own clothes (brace yourself for some interesting combinations) or helping with simple chores like feeding the cat. As they get older, involve them in more complex, meaningful tasks: making their own lunch, managing their homework, or even cooking dinner once a week. And for teenagers? Hand them control of their own schedule and let them budget their allowance. If they spend it all on snacks within two days, that’s a lesson in itself. These opportunities, when given with guidance and trust, help children develop a sense of independence and will let them see how they’re capable at handling life’s little and big hurdles.

6. Promote Self-Efficacy and a Growth Mindset

How can we help children see challenges not as roadblocks, but as opportunities to grow?

The phrase “I can’t do it” can turn into “I can’t do it… yet” with the beauty of a growth mindset. Research shows that believing we can improve with effort fosters resilience (Dweck, 2006).

How?: Swap praise for effort instead of just results. “You worked really hard on that” is far more effective than “You’re so clever.” It’s the difference between a child thinking success is something they’re born with or something they earn through persistence. And let’s be honest – persistence is far more useful when uncovering the perplexing world of algebraic functions or the equally baffling task of assembling flat-pack furniture.

Watch this space to find out more about the Growth Mindset in a future article!

7. Encourage Helping Others

Helping others isn’t just good manners; it’s a quiet, steady way of building resilience. And, it turns out, kindness is a two-way street: when children help others they feel connected, experience a sense of accomplishment and realise that their actions can have a positive impact. Acts of kindness boost empathy and a sense of belonging (BBC, 2021). Helping others also strengthens their problem-solving skills – they will see a need and find ways to address it with purpose and empathy. (Harvard Center on the Developing Child)

How?: Encourage random acts of kindness – helping a neighbor carry their shopping, donating toys, or simply saying thank you. For older children, volunteering or participating in community projects can be rewarding. Small gestures create ripples of resilience and make them appreciate how cushy home life really is.

8. Provide Opportunities to Learn from Failure

Ah, failure. Much maligned, yet one of life’s best teachers. Failure may sound dramatic, but it’s not such a terrible thing. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity is essential for long-term resilience (APA, 2021). When individuals learn to confront setbacks, they build coping skills and emotional strength, which helps them adapt to future challenges with more confidence. Experiencing failure also fosters perseverance, creativity and problem-solving, all of which are critical components of resilience.

How?: Normalise failure by sharing your own mishaps. “Remember that time I tried to fix the sink and flooded the bathroom? That was a tough learning experience ha ha!” This not only makes failure less frightening but also encourages laughter, which is often the best response to life’s little disasters.

9. Promote Physical and Mental Self-Care

Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days (though we won’t say no to those). It’s about maintaining mental and physical health so kids have the energy to tackle life’s challenges. Self-care routines also help children manage anxiety (NHS, 2022).

How?: Create simple family self-care routines. Morning stretches, healthy snacks and device-free evenings can make a world of difference. And yes, if a bubble bath sneaks in there, all the better.

10. Maintain Routines and Stability

It’s undeniable that kids thrive on routines. Knowing what to expect creates a sense of security – a comforting anchor in a world full of surprises. Consistent routines help children feel in control (Children’s Society, 2022).

How?: Whether it’s bedtime stories, Fish and Chip Fridays or weekend walks – whatever your routine is, stick to it. They may seem small, but they are essential for resilience. And if your teenager grumbles about the family routines? Don’t worry, it’s practically a rite of passage. Find out more about routines from our article here: Benefits of Routines for Children

Final Thoughts

Building resilience in children isn’t about shielding them from life’s challenges. It’s about equipping them with the tools to face life’s challenges with grit, grace and a healthy dose of humour.

Start small, keep it consistent and playful, and watch as your little ones grow into resilient, resourceful children in their own right. And remember: even the best-planned routines can go awry. But as we tell our children, every bump in the road is just another opportunity for growth!

Like this article? Check out more here: Research Bloq

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